But first, forgive me: I am painfully aware that there are many a worse physical condition and ailment to be dealt in life (touch wood) than to go through a knee reconstruction, but the changes that my little injury had in store for me have been the foundations of huge a formative experience and one that I would like to reflect on one last time, here. So please, indulge me!
On this particular occasion I've decided to write myself a letter. Here we go.
Yes, it was shit. You knew it would be shit but you didn't think it would be quite this shit.
The plans you had in store for yourself hit the floor, hard.
There was an adjustment period and lots of change to embrace.
It was a learning curve about many things but mainly about yourself, some of it uglier than you would have liked, and there was definitely the need for a change of pace.
Friends and family were there when and where they could be but by nature it was a solo journey and still, down a line the length of a year, you wallow in self-pity and frustration at it not being quite over yet, especially in the head.
But it's a boring topic on repetition, even for you, and 365 days is a bloody long time for it to have been the loudest constant in your life.
So the hour to shut the pity parties down has arrived. The discomfort of it may still be on your mind for the next few thousand steps you take and who knows, maybe even the next few million.
But practice caution in moderation, one wise woman once said, probably, somewhere. I bet.
Remember, it's unhealthy and unsafe to be too careful and too safe, not to mention, it's pretty fucking dull.
Dive in head first and your arms, your legs, your body will follow - hopefully.
Just like it did before things were shaken up a bit. You used to dive and hope the rest would follow then as well, remember?
So, really, nothing has changed at all. Just a few more niggley bits to chew through before you can reap the rewards of a bit of added risk.
The biggest shit storm is behind you and, yes, there are still a few unpleasant skid marks to navigate through, but overall you've done well. So don't be so bloody hard on yourself - for being slow and further from the finish line than you were expecting to be by now - and let go a bit. For everyone's sake, but mostly for your own.