My thoughts are in a pickle too. I have 10 half written, half-arsed drafts of blog posts. Ramblings and reviews and writing. Words. Mainly just a product of distracted procrastination.
It's true, this isn't the first time I've lost my head, in fact it happens quite frequently. Just ask the boy. And my closest friends. They have sat patiently over cyber catch up sessions and, with a bit of luck, over coffee, on numerous occasions while I've unloaded buckets of my problems on them. Luckily, despite being completely bananas outside of these "pull sammy together" sessions, they are all deceptively wise and they never fail to hand me back barrels full of wisdom.
So back to that head of mine, as big and round as it is, I still manage to lose it every now and again. Just like I have done now. Sometimes I'll find it under my bed (could be there now - good thing I hoovered yesterday). Other times I'll get that "epiphany" moment, like when you lose your keys and can't find them all day, and hours later you'll be doing something completely different - like plucking your eyebrows - and it'll hit you. And you'll be drawn to your coat like a magnet and there they are, sitting innocently in the silky pocket lining of your jacket. Just like that, sometimes I'll eventually find it again.
But I keep on losing it and I've lost it again. I know where it has been (stuck in the fridge for the past 48 hours, seeking bits of edible comfort in the dire misery that is called 'night-before-exam-revision time'). And I have a fairly good idea of where it will be later (out for a beer to celebrate end of said revision). But where the heck has it got to now?
To be honest, it's probably on strike or something. Or left home, maybe for good, disappearing over the horizon as we speak. Now that I think about it, it's had a good battering over the past couple of decades. I'm pretty sure what you'd find in my head (if you were to slice it open and check out its contents) would be a jumbled mess, like the one that suddenly materialises on your bed after you've tried every item of clothing you've ever owned before an evening out. The odd japanese word gathering dust in one corner, a great network of indecisive cobwebs, a wet coat of contemplation and regret over decisions that have been and have yet to be made, a bed of insecurities, a lamp without a light bulb and the curtains drawn shut. But what did you expect? It's been bobbling about as I've fumbled my way here. It's bound to get a little bit messy.
So let's just breathe and reboot. Brush away all the dust and the cobwebs. Draw the curtains and air it all out. (And replace that bloody light bulb.)
- Make time; there is always time. Make time to chat to friends (which, for me, are scattered across the globe to my dismay. Along with my family. And my dog). Make time to unwind; do yoga, play music, learn a new skill, make a new friend. Watch a film, waste a couple of hours (not on some social media website but actually doing something.) Dance. Knit a hat. Build a chair. Buy a train ticket. I don't know. But there is always time, so do something with it and stop moaning about how little of it you have.
-Send Lazy on it's way. You've already parted with sugar, next in line is Lazy. Otherwise Lazy will be the end of you, it will consume you and it will be deceptively comfortable but be the biggest of bitches in the end.
-Find a go-to something. Anything. Preferably not food - or at least the act of eating food. Cooking something elaborate would be okay. But just find Something to take the edge off of a rough day. Something to make you feel better on a sour gherkin day like today.
-Find a way to express yourself and something you are truly passionate about. Become a song-writer. Or a poet. Or a painter or a plumber. Be whatever you want to be, essentially, but don't be satisfied with just being. Full stop.
-Stop comparing yourself to other people. No good has or ever will come of it. You will always have stubbier legs, a squarer jaw, less wit, or lack in something or other if that is your main unit of measurement. And when you are not lacking you will just be contemptuously satisfied. And that ain't how we roll.
-Stay hungry.
...
That way you can eat your way out of any pickle you may be in.
And as far as the head goes. Well you're still gonna lose it every now and again, so just make sure you keep hoovering under your bed.
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| Gotta grab life by the balls. |
:) Lovely post.
ReplyDeleteYou and I have the same enemies: Sugar and inherent Laziness. In fact, people would defy that I could ever be classified as lazy, judging by how much I pile on my plate. Mustering up the will to actually deal with overflowing plate is where I struggle. It comes, eventually, but almost everything on that plate initially seems as enticing as scrubbing shit of a stranger's shoes...and then once the ball is rolling it's fine.